smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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