I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
