Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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