He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My penis needs a shock collar
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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