I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
