I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
