Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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