remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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