SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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