You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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