i jhust puked up my retainher.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
