oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's blow job season.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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