Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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