my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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