So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
