In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
And then he peed in my hair
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
