just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
