they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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