the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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