and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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