I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
