There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
