Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
