In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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