either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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