so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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