i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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