Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
