wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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