Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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