His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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