my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am midnight drunk by noon
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
