I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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