Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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