Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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