I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
