I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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