so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
