Only a mothe r could love this liver
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
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