I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Boobs speak an international language.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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