So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
