i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
