He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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