i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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