Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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