getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
