Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you had me at cake vodka
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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