is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
