Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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