You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
