I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
