i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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