I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She's the barista slut.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
