U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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